Fexting in Relationship© Unsplash

What Is ‘Fexting’ & Is It Ruining Your Relationships?

Salva Mubarak
Senior Features Writer

The first ever text message was sent back in 1992 and since then, there is no doubt that texting has become the primary form of communication for a majority of the global population.

In fact, you’d be lying if you said that you would prefer talking on the phone over texting. From business to personal, we’re typing out our thoughts perpetually. And, a side effect of our dependence on texts for communication has emerged in the form of ‘fexting’.

A more ornery cousin of ‘sexting’, ‘fexting’ essentially means fighting over texts. While it can be harmless at first, it can lead to toxicity and, ultimately, deterioration of relationships.

What is ‘fexting’?

The term first came into prominence when United States’ First Lady Jill Biden casually dropped it during an interview back in 2022. Biden revealed that she and her husband, the president of the US, rely on fighting over text messages in order to avoid public spats.

Her admission led to a lot of people coming forward with their own accounts of dealing with conflicts over texts, thus cementing the term ‘fexting’, with a majority of those in long-distance relationships.

Fexting in Relationship©Unsplash

Is ‘fexting’ really bad?

Yes and no. For example, if a certain individual finds it difficult to confront someone, articulate their thoughts and emotions in person or is introverted, ‘fexting’ can be a great way to express themselves and let their concerns be communicated to their partners. It is a less confrontational method for many people and can help resolve conflicts in an easier manner. However, total reliance on this method can also lead to its own set of problems.

How is ‘fexting’ toxic in a relationship?

When we’re communicating via texts, there are many variables in play, like delay in replies or misunderstanding the tone, especially when emotions are heightened. While this normally doesn’t affect in-person conversations, it could lead to misunderstandings when you’re fighting with someone over texts. Therefore, experts caution that ‘fexting’ can leave a lot of room for misinterpretations.

Fexting in Relationship©Unsplash

How to avoid ‘fexting’ in a relationship?

Being honest and open with your partner is one of the most important ways to maintain a healthy relationship, regardless of the medium of communication. But, ideally, texting should be avoided when you’re angry.

Try video chatting if you have issues that need to be resolved or talk to them over the phone. Another unusual, but romantic, method can be to use emails or letters to convey your thoughts. These would allow you to more time process your feelings properly and compile your thoughts properly, without the fear of the ‘double text’.

If you only feel comfortable communicating via text messages, then make sure your partner is also on the same page. It would also help if you take some time before replying to any message during a fight and avoid reacting on an impulse and saying something you’d regret later.