It’s become abundantly clear over the years that sexuality is a spectrum. With the evolution of language, we’ve managed to add names and labels to different forms of sexual orientations but the fact still remains that sexuality is fluid and can’t be defined in rigid terms.
The term ‘demisexuality’ has started cropping up more and more in conversations around relationships and sexual attraction and, since we’re at the cusp of Pride Month 2023, we figured it would be a good time to unpack what it really means…
What is demisexuality?
Demisexuality is when you only feel sexually attracted to another person when you have formed a deep emotional connection with them. According to demisexuality.org, most demisexuals rarely feel sexual attraction, as compared to the general population, with some having little to no interest in sexual activities.
Now it’s also true that many people seek an emotional bond when looking for a sexual partner. Does that mean they’re also demisexuals? Yes, they could be. However, demisexuality isn’t just about having sex. It’s about the ability to feel sexually attracted to specific people. Demisexual people can be gay, lesbian, pansexual, or any other sexual orientation.
How to know if you’re demisexual?
This is a deeply personal process that involves introspection and self-awareness. You can ask yourself some questions to understand your feelings and see where you’re placed on the spectrum. For example, have you ever felt sexually attracted to celebrities or strangers? Is sexual attraction important to you in a relationship?
There are also several resources, like the Asexual Visibility and Education Network or the Demisexuality Resource Center that you can consult to understand it in a more comprehensive way.
Does demisexuality impact relationships?
Sex is an important part of relationships and your ability to feel sexually attracted to your partner is, therefore, very important to address. If you and your partner can communicate your expectations from the relationship and each other in a healthy way, then demisexuality is not something that should negatively impact your relationship.
What are some common misconceptions about demisexuality?
Sexuality and different orientations are still subjects that are considered taboo and are, therefore, not easily approachable for discussion and understanding. This is why there are many misconceptions surrounding them. When it comes to demisexuality, the biggest misconception is that demisexuals will always feel sexually attracted to anyone they form a deep emotional connection with. Sexual attraction can vary from time to time and could depend on a number of factors. It’s also not true that they would feel sexually attracted to anyone they’re close with. Sometimes they could only form the emotional connection, without feeling sexually attracted to them.
